My little ferret Chango passed away January 16th . . . I still cry when I remember how he filled my life with joy and find myself feeling so lonely. I know I shouldn't feel this way since I have family and friends but, then again why not? Chango filled a void that no one in my life seemed to be able to do. Unconditional Love.
Husband. I love my husband very much but, there are conditions to our love. I must remain an important part of his life -- only his daughter may come before me; he should respect me, and above all never, NEVER, take me for granted. If any of these accordances are broken my love will go on automatic shut down. I'm a Capricorn and I have that capacity.
My parents. I'm an only daughter in a family that consists of my parents who have been married for 30 years and 5 brothers. I will love my parents as long as they respect me and see me as an adult. They must respect my opinions and points of views. I was once "banned" from the clan when I protested against the war . . . at the time 2 of my brothers were in Iraq. I never asked for forgiveness and will never apologize on my views . . . if you can't deal with it -- blog about it!!
As for my brothers we don't discuss politics or religious views . . . except for the little ones (Diego and Ale) because they are still innocent and wise. Yes, Diego you are innocent!!
Friends. Don't judge me and I will love you forever. If you do something stupid don't expect me to justify your actions . . . Just because you don't hear me bitching about your choices,doesn't mean that I agree with you -- what it means is that I support you! I will not fix your problems but, I will listen to them and I may even offer some advice (the blind leading the blind).
Chango was the perfect companion . . . he was so much more than a pet. There was no one that meant more for him than me and that is what I don't get from anyone else. Chango was litter trained and very seldom would go where he was not supposed to. He was super friendly and loveable. He loved to snuggle with me and play. We did everything together. We went to the park, the market, my parent's home, to pick-up/drop-off my husband, or my step-daughter. I spent more time with him than any other animal or human being. I know that I gave him the best I could. The love we shared is my greatest satisfaction!! I took good care of him and of that I am very proud. I know that he is still around me but, I miss his whiskers around my face. I see my husband after he gets off from work . . . so tired, so stressed about money. I feel like a loser for not being able to help him. I see my step-daughter after school. She is bitter and she is only 10! She is angry at her mom for going away and leaving her here, with this strict step mother that expects cleanliness, good manners, and at least a 'C' average, plus the chores that she gets to do. I hear from friends who have almost given up on me because I don't have time to be able at whatever hour or whatever day to listen to them bitch about their lives, since I got married. My family . . . mh, if I only did what they think it's best for me -- I'd have the perfect life. But, they can't seem to get their lives going . . .
So, yeah, I miss Chango. The one fuzzy being that loves me wether I work or not, if I'm strict or not, if I'm available at 3 am or not, wether I wanted Barack over Hillary . .. .etc. For weeks I took care of him, feeding every 4 hours an elixir paste that a vetenerian concocted for his well being . . . he loved that little paste. I made sure he drank water after his 2cc's of this thing I would give him with a little syringe. We would play and make time for kisses. At one point into the 2nd week I was so positive because the little guy was running around and playing with the other 2 ferrets. I threw him an 'early birthday party.' He's birthday would have been January 27th. The plan was to invite as many 4th graders to the house and have a fun filled day. With my step-daughters class, and my little brother's friends from the other school, it would be a total success. The only requirement would be that they brought in a $1 donation for the ferret shelter that is in a nearby city. Instead, on Jan. 9th, I made a cake and had my 2 youngest brothers, my step-daughter, my husband and I sing to Chango. We held him, took pictures, played with him . . . Ale, the youngest of the Hernandez Clan brought him a gift wrapped in some weird tissue paper that he found somewhere in his room. Days later after Chango passed away, Ale came to visit me. We held each other and cried.
The whole process was so painful for us but, fortunately not for Chango. I'm so glad my husband was with me throughout the whole process. We had to put him down so that he would not go through the suffering. He was wrapped in my favorite jacket . . .
This is not the first time I lose a best friend . . . . but, this is the first time that my best friend was a totally innocent creature who came into my life to fill it with so much joy -- selflessly.
So I was listening to Pandora.com and came accross this song. I heard it and it made me cry . . . It made me think of Chango, as if he was singing to me . . . .
When She Loved Me
by Sarah McLahlan
When somebody loved me,
everything was beautiful
Every hour we spent together,
lives within my heart
And when she was sad,
I was there to dry her tears
And when she was happy, so was i,
when she loved me.
Through the summer and the fall,
we had each other,
that was all
Just she and I together,
like it was meant to be
And when she was lonely,
I was there to comfort her
And I knew that she loved me.
Every hour we spent together,
lives within my heart
When she loved me.
